It's day three of the baby not crying when handed over to her child minder. I want to cry, because she isn't!

I realise why daycare is considered so difficult.

For a baby, most things are "out of sight = out of mind", but as a parent, every little thing around the house.. 

like the fruit smeared onesie, the precariously hanging rattle on the table, the wooden block that just poked your foot arch.. 

they all serve as reminders of the little person who takes up big space in your heart and mind. 

I am at the end of my parental leave journey now, and I look back and wonder- wasn't she born just yesterday? How can she possibly be turning a year soon?

Every waking hour of the last 11 months have been memorable... 

I am sure I am not the only one who would wait for the baby to fall asleep so I'd get a break, and then immediately miss those toothless smiles and count the minutes till she woke up to play again! 

Absolutely everything in my schedule was basically my daughter's schedule, and that is at the crux of why daycare is difficult. 

It makes you feel empty.

There is a void in my daily routine, a sudden abundance of time... a time of uncomfortable change :)

There is this feeling of tremedous guilt - is she OK? is she eating well? is she getting along with the other littles? am I being a bad parent, by "abandoning" her at daycare, so I can get around to adulting? 

But, I take a deep breath and catch my thoughts.... 

THIS.IS.GOOD.FOR.HER!

THIS.IS.GOOD.FOR.HER!

THEREFORE < IT.IS.GOOD.FOR.ME!>

She is already settling well there, she has made new friends. She loves her child minder, a wonderful lady who clearly knows her job and adores her. She eats everything, and seems to be polishing her bowl clean! 

She will be fine, and so will I.

As a parent, this is my first experience with letting go. 

Let me savour it one more time, let us both not have a reason to tear up next week :)